A young artist in my most recent Parsifal production asked me about my career. Typical things, “Where did you study, were you always a tenor, how did you make it happen?” Questions that every young singer wants answered. Questions that arise out of trepidation and fear of what comes next. Questions one asks no matter what field you are in I imagine. “When did you first want to be a nurse? How do you become an electrician? Where did you train to be a hairdresser?” I’ve answered these questions hundreds of times throughout my career, but they always make me pause….did I choose the right path?
Standing on an opera stage manifests a unique perspective. Most of the time I don’t think about it, I just do it. There is a thrill involved in stepping into a world of music, cloaked in a costume and ready to bring a character to life. I absolutely love breathing life into my vision of a character. Yes, this character was given a vocal line and words by composer and librettist. Yes, this character was plunked down into a world created by the director, costume designer and set designer(whether it aligns with the composer and librettists’ original concept or not). But he is mine. I get to choose how to play him. I get to decide whether I am shocked or angered by a situation on stage. Whether I am in love or pretending to be. I can change intentions, movements, vocal colors all with the understanding that flexibility and fluidity come with live performance. It is thrilling and constantly challenging to “be in the moment.”
Yet these freedoms are by and large reigned in. You don’t want to throw off a colleague by doing something extreme, you don’t want to mess up timing with the conductor. You have to be malleable yet consistent. There is an edge that you can approach with certain colleagues where an ebb and flow takes place and you understand each other in a “zone.” You are locked in to a character and scene and you are able to “riff,” to organically play a scene or series of emotions in the moment. You know that your onstage partners are with you and an electricity happens. It is the best! I have certain colleagues that I truly enjoy working with knowing that we can let loose and create something organic each time.
The odd thing about being questioned about how I came into this world of opera, how I was able to navigate it all and attain the status that I currently have, is that I feel like a fraud. It is a very weird feeling. I know that I have put in the work, the hours of training onstage and off, the memorizing and stress (oh BOY is there ever a ton of stress in this career), yet doubt plagues me. “How do people like ME? My voice? My acting?” It is a duality that I find hard to put into words. I know that I am giving a great performance, but am I really good enough to be up here?
Maybe it is just me, maybe we all have a little of that doubt in us? I don’t know. It isn’t a constant thought, but it is there. I choose to believe that it is because I am hypercritical of all I do. I see the imperfections and hear them too! They cut me to the bone and yet that is what a live performance is.
I have been thinking of late about AI and the impact that it will have on all industries. I heard a song recently and thought: “Damn, that dude has a hell of a voice!” Turned out to be an AI song. Gorgeous timbre, beautiful phrasing and overall just a really great song! But fake. Maybe some call it real, but someone didn’t come up with it, someone didn’t train their voice to sing it. It is a computer and algorithmic generation that carries no intrinsic artistic weight. Live events do. Opera, musical theater, live theater, bands at a bar, school plays…all real people, real emotions, real triumphs and real mistakes. That is the beauty of it all in my mind. The doing. Seeing people come together onstage and in the audience to experience a moment in time. To me, that is where magic happens. A lightening in a bottle moment might happen, you never know!
So, did I choose the right path? I love what I do, that I can tell you. It has been a long and rewarding journey thus far. Some hiccups? Sure. Did I miss a lot of moments with my wife and kids? Absolutely. Was I able to provide them with experiences and lessons that have left an indelible impression on them? You bet! They constantly express their gratitude for how they have been raised. I occasionally get a message or email from someone telling me about a show they happen to remember. That is what it is all about in my book. Creating a memory that lives with you, whether onstage singing a beautiful duet, sitting in the audience experiencing an incredible performance, or looking at pictures of a family trip to a country that we wouldn’t have gone to were it not for opera.
I have a lot to be thankful for in life, and opera is one of the branches from which much rich fruit has grown.